As I sat at the table of my 40th birthday dinner with purple teeth trying to give a half drunk toast to the women who I’m lucky enough to call my tribe, the first thing that came out of my mouth was “40 is FUCKING hard.” Each one of them rolled their eyes and laughed at me mimicking my banter of me even thinking that my incredibly blessed life was hard and muttered under their breath to “have another.” In part, they were right. Shame on me as there were children being ripped away from their parents and sent across borders, people were suffering with terminal illnesses, friends were dealing with spouses with addictions, children were sick and the list goes on. But, I stand by my semi dramatic and drunk plea that “40 is hard.”
Before I get to my 40th year, let’s take a walk down memory lane, shall we?! 20’s were amazing! The college I went to basically required a heartbeat to get in so most of my study halls were conducted in a dark smoky bar with Pat Benatar blaring from the Juke Box. My biggest worry was which black pants to wear out that night and if my camel toe was visible. Oh, and if 2 bags of the WOW allestra chips I scarfed down were going to make me shit myself during the Sorority date dash. In our 20’s, you may have had a semi-serious boyfriend who broke your heart for the weekend until you were found dry humping his buddy on the fraternity couch. I look back at my 20’s- They were a blur filled with corporate success, trying to make flawless impressions and eating at restaurants that didn’t have crayons. Tinder wasn’t around then so we could actually still have conversations with people and not feel the gut wrenching rejection by being “ghosted” or unfollowed on social media. After college, we all landed semi respectable jobs as a result of one of our elitist parents calling in a favor to their CEO friend. Our biggest responsibility was the golden retriever puppy that seemed like a good idea to give you a sneak peek into growing up.
Then, our 30’s! Turning 30 seemed like a big deal and for whatever reason resulted in excessive birthday celebrations that gave us our first sense of entitlement as the most important person in the word. You were finally making a little bit of money to treat yourself to nice things and you spent most weekends travelling for out of town bachelorette parties or weddings. The worst thing in your 30’s was the hangovers were getting worse and you might have spotted a speck of cellulite on your thigh. Oh, and your golden retriever ate something he shouldn’t have so you encountered your first significant financial obligation. Then as we approached our mid 30’s, life was one big party! Every weekend was filled with a celebrations for engagements, showers, bachelorette, weddings, job promotions, moves and babies. Somewhere in my 30’s, my beautiful and gut wrenching 30’s. I met the man of my dreams, married him barefoot and blissful and fell in love all over again with my 3 beautiful babies. I FINALLY discovered what MY purpose was in life and that was to be a mom. Then, life happened.
So, here’s 40….. I’m not exactly sure when it all happened… maybe it was when my beloved OB used the words “geriatric maternal age” when I was pregnant with my 2nd child. But, all of the sudden, I felt like life was accelerating wildly out of control. My stress and anxiety were consuming. At times, it felt like the Duggar family, all 19 of them, were sitting on my chest at all times. As I peered into social media, I saw endless pictures of other girls celebrating their 40’s birthdays with matching trucker hats. From a far, it looked like they had their shit together but I knew deep inside they were hiding behind these posts and drowning in life- JUST LIKE ME. So…. Back to my opening line- 40’s are fucking hard. I found myself missing my youth while smothering myself in Botox and yoga pants that were 2 sizes too small. At 40, we hit all the big stuff….. Big decisions were staring at me at every turn. All the sudden shit got real. I found myself deep in conversations with friends that weren’t as simple as who had just done their low lights in their hair. Topics like divorce, infertility, and our parents getting older were all more prevalent. But if those aren’t heavy enough, I found myself consumed with topic about my children. Those tiny exhausting, human dictators that we love so very much.
So….. You get the point? Insert drumroll please… I was introduced to CBD. For years, I had struggled with generalized anxiety disorder and took medicine to make me a normal person. Like social media portrays, it looks like I have my shit together, but the reality is… I am riddled with anxiety. For me, CBD has been life altering in reducing my anxiety. I started shouting from the rooftops as to how CBD changed my life and the life of my family and friends, even complete strangers. I started researching how CBD works with your body and started hearing more and more stories of how CBD helped others. It was BANANAS how this stuff was changing lives- including people I loved right before my very eyes.
As I step off my soapbox and assure all of you- this is not a multi-level marketing gig, I want to introduce each of you to the PRESS PAUSE PROJECT. I have the good fortune of helping others find more moments of PAUSE in their life with a QUALITY, AFFORDABLE and ORGANIC CBD line that we’ve created from our dire conviction and vision to help people like us. We get to help people pull their heads out of their asses and start taking better care of yourself – appreciate the beauty in your surroundings. Stop taking selfies and start taking in sunsets. Oh, and the best part about this…, I get do it with my very best friend and Co-founder, Torrey Benson who shares my vision.
Do yourself a favor, educate yourself on CBD. Start asking around, visit our website, like us on social media and if you feel like it- order a product or two. We’d love to hear your feedback, we’d love for you to spread the word and start spreading the love for The Press Pause Project! www.presspauseproject.com